Readers Digest

Only three hours earlier, I had taken a five-mile run. I had recently turned 60, and as I ran, I thought... other than a few aches from more than 450 parachute jumps, I felt as healthy as I did as 40...
Then I looked out he window at the 100-year-old oak tree I had trimmed the prior weekend and took pride in how much better it looked. Getting out there to finish a couple smaller trees would be a great start to my weekend.
I grabbed my chain saw and ran the extension cord from the back of my house, then propped my ladder against the tree and climbed up. The saw sliced through the three-inch limb like a warm knife through butter, but instead of falling to the side, the dead branch dropped down onto the ladder, which twisted away from the tree and left me on a collision course toward the four-foot chain-link fence. I tossed the saw out of harm's way and snapped my ankles together to avoid being impaled between the legs by the fence. It would have been a decent plan had my toes not caught the top of the fence, causing me to jackknife upside down and slam headfirst into the ground.
As I fought for air I thought, What a way to go. (This passage was taken from the 2010 November issue of Readers Digest, page 156)

I picked up my M16 and followed my troop through the small camp, and into the meeting house where we sat down on the dirt floor and listened. The captain explained that the guerrilla forces in the area were combining forces, and instead of fleeing for their lives, the experienced terrorists were turning back to do battle, which put the men on the front lines in more danger of a shortened life by a cruel death. He directed us to back up and ready our weapons and vehicles so that we were ready to combat against the moral-less bush-fighters. These orders would have protected us better if they had come sooner, since we were ambushed two hours later and most of our battalion shot to death where they stood. (I was supposed to imitate the style.)